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Joke of the Day
"How many servers does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know, it's not my side work."
Next Joke
"You know what else is pointless? Circles."
"Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society"
"""Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?"" I mumbled into the tv remote."
"What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes? A bit neurotic."
"I've been married to my wife for 34 years. We now only have hallway sex... When you pass each other in the hallway and both just say ""Fuck You"""
"I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit. (Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)"
"My mom likes to get to the airport three days before her flight."
"For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night."
"TacoBell - America's preferred over-the-counter laxative"