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Joke of the Day

"Women are super awesome at remembering insults but we have the memory of a goldfish with compliments and need them repeated continually."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! *Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.*"

"Shopping when hungry means you end up buying food you will regret. Apply the same rule for not being too horny when going to the clubs/bars."

"How can you tell if a picture was taken with a GoPro? because the owner will tell you"

"What does Bill Gates call his manhood? Microsoft."

"Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog"

"Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin... It might taste the same but that shit just ain't right."

"Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn't made me look insane 10,000 times."

"If weddings were for couples there would be men's wedding magazines."

"Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here! A: Two one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in."