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Joke of the Day

"I hate when people say ""you always want what you don't have"" like that's really insightful and not just explaining the definition of ""want."""

"His homebuilt e-cigarette vapor mod with banana custard glycerine is so sexy... Said no girl ever"

"More than eighty percent of the world records I hold are for making shit up."

"Woman: Officer you must help. I've just lost my wig. Police officer: Certainly ma'am we'll comb the area."

"Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove"

"How many feminist does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. 1 to screw it in, and one to suck my cock."

"Yes, it is. Is time travel possible?"

"That awkward moment when your phone auto-corrects ""I wanna do it"" to ""I wanna donut"" because it knows you're fat."

"You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!"

"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."