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Joke of the Day

"My daughter asked me what ""fap fap fap"" means... I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures."

"My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head."

"I like my women like I like my dragons... Jealous, naked, and atop a bunch of gold."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't confuse them for feminists."

"You treat your body like a temple? That's nice. I treat mine like a whorehouse above a liquor store next to a motherfucking Taco Bell."

"Some idiot asked me what the 27th letter of the Arabic alphabet is... And all I could say was, ""Wow""."

"So I heard the royal baby was 8 pounds. That's awfully cheap for a human baby."

"I told my girlfriend to give me the worst handjob ever. I was surprised she could pull it off."

"Ducks are the best animals to tell jokes. They always quack me up"

"An astrologer asks a lady if she wanted to know her husband's future... To which she replied, ""I decide his future, tell me about his past"""