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Joke of the Day

"Utensils Guy 1: ""Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"" Guy 2: ""That's forked up!"" Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: ""What? Too spoon?*"

"I once unknowingly dated a transvestite ignoring all the clues Such as her name being Amanda."

"The victims of the Aurora movie theater shooting got really ripped off. They paid to watch the whole movie, but all they saw were a few clips."

"Why do failing college girls always screw their professors? Cause they want the D."

"How is sleeping with a girl whose dad is in the other room the same as being kidnapped? Come quietly and nobody gets hurt."

"Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep."

"What does an 80-year-old person taste like? Depends."

"Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge... Unwelcome and hard to get rid of."

"I am a male who goes through monthly week long periods..... of unrest while my wife is on her menstruation cycle."

"You know what would really suck? Finding a needle in a haystack."