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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry."

"I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude."

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You hit her"

"I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I'm making up for that now."

"Henry Tudor: ""I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."" Richard III: ""Over my dead body."""

"I'm really surprised I decided to get Botox. At least I think I'm surprised, I can't really tell."

"I thought the stories I wrote were a little black-and-white, but my publisher seemed to like them. He said he wants some new ones."

"Loose weight I feel that the only option for me to loose weight is to either smoke crack or ingest a tape worm but they both require a commitment level that I am uncomfortable with."

"What's a ghost's favorite search engine? Ghoulgle"

"Thought of this whilst snacking. If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?"