209813

Joke of the Day

"I'm really surprised I decided to get Botox. At least I think I'm surprised, I can't really tell."

"My black friend asked me if there's a colored printer in the library. I said ""Shit man, it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want!"""

"What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses."

"Executioner : Due to the power-cut we'll be using the acoustic chair."

"What has six balls and rapes the poor? The lottery. It's over $800 million folks! Dragged this joke back for the occasion."

"[PHONE] ""TSA, How can I help you?"" Me: ""Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!"" Agent: ""Umm..."" Me: ""DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"""

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile That's a big word for a 12 year old"

"In case you wondered what married life is like, my wife is yelling at me for making her forget why she was yelling at me."

"A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide. The librarian says ""Are you going to take them all out with you""? ""Hmmm"" he replies ""That's a good idea"""

"A woman walks into a hospital... for a routine checkup on her pregnancy. The nurse looks at her file and says ""Oh! Twins! Were they spontaneous?"" The woman replies ""No, we had sex first."""