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Joke of the Day

"Umlaut is a pretty fancy word for what are basically just letter nipples."

"I went to the store to buy 50ft of rope. The guy at the store said ""This spool of rope is on clearance for only $2. It's 500ft long."" ""Nah man"" I said ""I hate long good buys."""

"Me: I think this diet is gonna work. Cheese: No."

"We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: 'Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces...'"

"Why did the scarecrow receive a Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field."

"Cop just pulled me over, said I was going too fast. So I took him to dinner first."

"Sometimes I squat... ...and pull my legs up to my chest and lean forward. Why? That's how I roll."

"What do you call it when two robots have sex? Automating."

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. That rose's name? Albert Einstein."

"How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out."