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Joke of the Day

"If I had $100 for every time I'd had sex I might break even."

"Chinese takeout My wife has been angry at me all night for bringing her six bowls of soup back from the local Chinese restaurant. I don't know what her deal is, she very clearly asked for wanton soup."

"Did you know that pi day is tomorrow? I didn't, because there have been 0 sines"

"Today is national suicide prevention day.. so remember.. If you see any suicide bombers...... Shoot them."

"How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar They both only come when your sleeping"

"A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a Tiger Wood."

"I saw a guy with a belt made out of wrist watches. Thought it was a pretty cool waist of time."

"Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor."

"The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother."

"Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones."