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Joke of the Day

"I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down."

"Nervous systems are so reckless They do everything on *impulse*"

"Sorry for teaching your kids to yell ""STRANGER DANGER"" whenever you tell them they can't have something LOL"

"I took some pictures of my girlfriend's butt this morning I'm saving them for posteriority."

"ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I'll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won't"

"Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant."

"What do you call friendship between punctuation? Commaraderie"

"A man with one leg shorter than the other visits the tower of Pisa. He says ""It looks fine to me."""

"How does Darth Vader know what Luke is getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"I told my friend that Dracula and I had sex with my 12 inch penis. He refused to believe me... I said, ""I know it's hard to believe, it's a lot to take into a Count."""