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Joke of the Day

"When a girl seductively tells you, ""you can stick it wherever you want"" Apparently in her roommate is NOT one of the options"

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"

"Joined our neighborhood watch program. There's 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. :("

"""I've been a bad girl,"" she said. ""I need to be punished."" So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? We need to get some support, before people think we're nuts!"

"Did you hear about the circus fire?.. People said it was intense.."

"Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex"

"TIFU by calling a flight attendant a stewardess. Man did he get pissed off."

"I have a lot in common with my brake rotors.. We're both warped and barely functioning."

"Bae joke Bae: Come over Me: Wrong spelling"