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Joke of the Day

"I used to be an adventurer until I took a knee to the arrow"

"Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*"

"Why is my girlfriend like a deep fat fryer? They're both dangerously hot and belong in the kitchen."

"No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar... With our age difference, I wouldn't be a cougar... more like a saber-toothed tiger."

"American political party symbols are spot on... Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!"

"I'll be honest, the only time I'd ever want to be 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' would be if I was chasing them With an axe."

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One's a little lighter."

"A chronic masturbator walks into a bar ""Oh hi Henry"", said the bartender, ""I've already poured your pint; I saw you coming from a mile away."""

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we give a shit."

"What policy do the pro-Russia rebels have on gay recruits? Donetsk, don't tell."