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Joke of the Day
"Damn girl, are you misplaced silverware? Because why aren't you in the kitchen?"
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"Actual ""dad"" joke from my dad What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water? Mouse to Mouse resuscitation."
"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."
"Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror."
"What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician? To the airport please"
"I grabbed for my Android and grabbed my friend's instead She said ""This is not the droid you're looking for"""
"Female hygiene jokes are not funny Period"
"My minivan has this cool anti-theft system called its a minivan"
"isnt it so weird when youre thinking about someone and they suddenly appear? Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating"
"[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time."