157561

Joke of the Day

"Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn't want to ruin my day by talking to you."

"So my lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday... They got me a Rolex. I guess they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch""."

"[feeding baby Malaysian food] ""Here comes the plane"" *makes plane noises* *spoon just disappears*"

"Without nipples, breasts would be pointless."

"I went to a karaoke bar last night. I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."

"The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me."

"Whats the difference between a pun, and a fart? One is a shift of wit and the other is a whiff of shit."

"*leaves church* *sees McChicken video* *goes back to church*"

"Its real cute how pedestrians confuse ""right of way"" with immortality."

"An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich."