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Joke of the Day

"Bummed cuz parents wont send their kids to my resort that teaches how to pay attention. I thought ""Concentration Camp"" would be a gold mine."

"the children's version of ""The Catcher In The Rye"" is called ""My Little Phony"""

"You know what grinds my gears? Improper gear ratios and speed differences."

"I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them."

"What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights? Hypertrophy!"

"Break-up if you can't be faithful. Stay faithful or stay single."

"What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their stupid event?"

"I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. Which makes me an eighth theist."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish."

"My girlfriend said to me that she wanted me to tease her, so I said, ""All right, fatty."""