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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between america and a yoghurt? A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years."

"They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ."

"Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS."

"I was kicked out of a strip club last night for throwing twenty quid at one of the strippers. Ok, I admit it was in pound coins."

"Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios."

"Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge."

"Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill"

"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it"

"When you say the word ""poop"" your mouth makes the same shape as your butthole when you poop The same can be said for ""explosive diarrhea"""

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold my penisI mean my motherI mean the ladder."