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Joke of the Day

"what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea a salt with a deadly wetpen *hides*"

"What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa? Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio."

"Girls: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Guys: I don't mind Girls: Like a huge mess Guys: ok Girls: Like dead bodies on fire Guys: ok"

"Facebook users are demanding the old layout they actually hated when it was the new layout they previously didn't want."

"Who makes the best photo bombers? Muslims"

"My SO thinks this is a very funny joke... is it? Q: Where do ballerinas go to get their torrents? A: The Pirouette Bay"

"Job interviewer: ""Why do you want to join the Secret Service?"" Me: ""It's a secret."" Job interviewer: ""You got the job."""

"Me: A watched pot never boils. Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Try turning on the stove, idiot."

"When it boils down to it water is just steam."

"I met a girl at a soccer game... ...I think she's a keeper"