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Joke of the Day

"I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill... They can finally legally own a black person again."

"Dad to kid: ""Connor, eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*"

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? You don't tell her anything anymore, you've already explained twice."

"Other than Superman and the homeless has anyone used a phone booth in the last 10 years?"

"Charlie Manson has served his time, it's time to release him back into society. Somewhere near Justin Bieber."

"Just saw an Italian guy from New Jersey in an Ed Hardy hat reading a book! Ha, just kidding. He was raping."

"[to a straight couple] Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian"

"On a scale of 1 to 10 How old is your girlfriend?"

"When I was a kid, I had to quit the marching band based on my religious principles. I was a real tuba leaver back then."

"What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?"