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Joke of the Day

"Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit."

"How do you get alot of people to check out your post? Tag it NSFW and repost it"

"Why is golf better than sex? It lasts for hours and there's 18 different holes."

"I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart."

"My mom said that my room was really foul smelling. I told her to suck it up"

"Q: What does K-mart stand for? A: Kuz Mexicans Are Rich Too"

"I thought the wife was joking... ...when she said she wanted to go to Switzerland for a Monkees concert. Then I saw her face...now I'm in Geneva"

"You know what always brings me down? Gravity."

"[awesome life of caterpillar] 1) all I do is eat, awesome 2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome 3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME"

"Drag slicks are a lot like condoms... ...you don't really mind a broken one until you realize how expensive it's going to be."