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Joke of the Day

"Saw a phone booth. Hopped in. Came out. Didn't become Superman. Now it just looks like I was hiding while that lady was getting mugged."

"Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb."

"[Mugshot photographer] Me: now lets do a silly one"

"Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode? Because it's bipolar."

"I never said that I hated you! All I said is that I hope you have your period when the next Sharknado comes around."

"i just read this article...did you know 50% of asian business men have cataracts... the other half drive rincoln towncars"

"HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, ""Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."""

"I like my Presidents like I like my porn saved"

"I have an internet porn addiction. i really should beat it..."

"You guys wanna hear a miscarriage joke? Wait, it would probably come out wrong..."