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Joke of the Day

"winter is coming the snow is what?"

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"[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino."
"My first time having sex was like my first time riding a bike... My dad was holding me from behind"
"If I could have been any Monarch in history I would have been George the 6th But with asthma. That way I could introduce myself by saying I'm King George... and Wheezy."
"How To Get Rich: 1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson. 2. Empty it the next day. 3. Become a millionaire."
"What does a baby smell like in a microwave? Nsfw I don't know I was too busy jerking off."
"I hate what you've done with the place."
"I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the ""caulk"""
"""Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."" ""Some, I assume, are good people"""
"I LOVE YOU ... A man was out for a drink with his wife one night and he said, ""I love you"". The wife asked, ""Is that you or the beer talking"" He said, ""It's me........ I'm talking to the beer""!"