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Joke of the Day

"Women on their periods make me angry... ...I was loking up my wife's skirt last night and the red mist descended over my eyes."

"I had 13 items in the 12 items or less line, so I just put a banana in my pocket."

"what does the Bible say about faking your own death to get out of jury duty"

"""911"" you gotta help, my wife is in labour in the backseat ""how far apart are the contractions?"" about 2 miles but I'm driving pretty fast"

"My wife was having an affair... I was devastated. But, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning."

"What did the romaine say to the spinach before they started to eat? Lettuce pray."

"What language do pigs speak? Depends on which country they're from."

"How many pot heads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, we're stoned not stupid."

"I don't date Chinese girls... That's a big red flag for me..."

"A cave man walks into a bar... ""Hey, Joe, has any one invented booze yet?"""