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Joke of the Day

"Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat."

"My French buddy keeps trying to get me to drink It's a lot of Pierre pressure"

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"

"Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. No two. No... How many do we have on the truck?"

"Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens... They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one."

"Whats the best way to pick up chicks Lean over and pick them up with your hands."

"Whoever invented the carpet sweeper probably died laughing."

"Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn't mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae"

"No one seems to care how NYC's smallest residents are handling this heatwave, which is why I'm asking you to join my Shave The Rats campaign"

"Whenever your ex says, ""You'll never find someone like me,"" the answer to that is, ""That's the point."""