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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like a surgeon likes his patients Drugged and Unconscious"

"What's the worst single thing you could do to someone? Start dating them"

"People complain about there being too many GOP presidential candidates, but when Chris Christie quits that will be, like, half the field right there."

"Mom, Am I adopted? Son: Mom, Am I adopted? Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?"

"My neighbor is constantly whining about her small breasts. I think she's being a little too melondramatic"

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking through an alley last night? One was a salted."

"Turns out the Joker has a criminally-insane dog. He's locked up in Barkham Asylum."

"I found my first gray pubic hair today. It was in my Big Mac"

"Did you hear about those new anti-gravity cars? They really drive me up a wall!"

"What is your favorite thing the new iPhone can do? Mine is distract me from my own mortality"