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Joke of the Day

"Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!"

"My alcohol addiction was so bad i used to drink hand sanitiser! Im clean now!"

"How is credit like cocaine? Everyone just needs 1 more line."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I have never wanted to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth."

"So I'm Calling random stores & saying ""Hey It's Michael, Screw you guys, I quit!"".... There's got to be a Michael at one of these places..."

"Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said ""I love you."" He didn't even die. Killing people with kindness is hard."

"Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves."

"I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point."

"What did the keyboard say to the mouse? stop with the cheesey jokes!"

"What's the difference between a goat and a ram? I don't goat my dick up a dead baby's ass."