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Joke of the Day

"My ex-girlfriends all did me dirty like the first 25% of a Netflix loading screen. I was repeatedly tricked into thinking there was a connection"

"What's the capital of Greece? About 10 dollars."

"Don't you hate those people who are obsessed with tracking their steps? Fucking pedophiles."

"Why do they call Hannibal Lecter ""The Mail Man""? He always delivers."

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? ""You heard the song I was playing?"" Cop: Yes I did, and now HERE I AM ""ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"""

"*gets into any creepy van* *Gets kicked out*"

"HOW TO BEAT YOUR COMPUTER AT CHESS WITHIN 5 SECONDS: just set the difficulty to OBAMA.It will never come up with a strategy."

"Ten years ago I gave up alcohol and women... it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. -George Best"

"If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses"

"What's the difference between a pedophile and a pro golfer? A pedophile always finishes in under 18 holes."