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Joke of the Day

"Cats don't come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can't put them in the washing machine."

"I told my friend that I disproved the theory of conservation of mass, But he didn't understand the weight of the situation."

"I wanna make a toast, to all of you. But i have no bread."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot."

"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. "

"If you've seen me impatiently standing in line, then you've seen me dancing at a concert."

"popcorn, or as cerebral smart minds such as myself refer to it 'popped corn', is the number #1 food of watching things"

"Dildos are like Pokemon cards... No matter how good your collection, it isn't worth anything if you got them sticky."

".@Oprah If I were as rich as you I'd shit on the floor & tell a senator to pick it up."

"What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit? Rite Aid"