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Joke of the Day

"When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river"

"My wife keeps 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in the shower. And if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor."

"I wonder if dog's had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture."

"What's the difference between a Brit and an American? The Brit got kicked out and the American did the kicking."

"A man isn't complete until he's married. Then, he's finished."

"What do you call a sheep taking Ambien? Shleepy!"

"I really love bikes. I'm a pedalphile."

"Why are there commentators for televised sports? We can figure out what's going on live, but can't while watching it on tv?"

"What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky I'll show myself out."

"What do Jewish pedophiles say? ""Hey kids, want to buy some candy?"""