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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snail in the sea? A snailor."

"Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences"

"If you have twins name them Adam & Steve so when someone says ""Uh, it's Adam & Eve"" you can be like ""OH REALLY?"" and have the boys attack!!"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer!"

"Knock knock.... Whose there? Jesus Jesus who? Behold I stand at the door and knock...."

"Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends quicker for fat people."

"You can lead a horse to water but it's pretty crowded there because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb."

"hAD SO MYCH COFFEE WHO wantS TO HELP ME STOP KONY LETS GO LETS STEAL A CAR BRO CMON"

"What do Osama Bin Laden and a salmon have in common? It's a great life until they run into a seal."

"Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes."