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Joke of the Day

"If you have twins name them Adam & Steve so when someone says ""Uh, it's Adam & Eve"" you can be like ""OH REALLY?"" and have the boys attack!!"

"No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this"

"Haters gonna hate, alligators gonna alligate"

"My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?"

"When I was 8, my best friend & I had a big fight. The next week his family moved away. Dave, if you're reading this, I still hate your guts."

"got my blood test results back today, and it's just as i feared. my body is filled with a ton of blood."

"Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those fuckers live forever."

"I got my sister a T-shirt and a dildo... That way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself."

"What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings? Skepticles."

"Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie."