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Joke of the Day
"What does a sick bird need? Tweetment."
Next Joke
"I keep a No. 2 pencil in my pocket just in case motherfuckers wanna test me."
"""How much for this melted ghost?"" Sir that's a bed sheet ""You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL"" This is a Macys"
"Does anyone have the owner's manual for a wife? Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise."
"Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin? They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm."
"""Sooth. Sooth! SOOOTH!!!"" --soothsayers"
"Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent."
"I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels."
"Equally cool alternatives to air guitar: Air slap bass Air harmonica Silent pig auctions Balloons hitting people The letter Q"
"The chances of Donald Trump being elected."