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Joke of the Day

"Vladislav? ... .. Baby don't hurt me, Don't hurt me, no more"

"What did the German Footballer name his pet? Schweinsteiger."

"Glow in the dark condoms. Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! ..."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey"

"What is crucial to any joke about ISIS? The execution"

"If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right."

"Why did the bandit from Burma vote for Trump and Hillary to be the primary candidates? Because, Master Wayne, some men just want to watch the world burn."

"I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one."

"My neighbor's 13-month old only has four teeth. She's way too young to being doing that much meth."

"Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face."