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Joke of the Day

"if you're having a bad day, remember, there are people out there who have their ex's name tattooed on themselves."

Next Joke
 
"All my friends are convincing me to travel to Northwest Territories... But I'm having Nunavut."
"Boy, are you a yellow sports car because I am embarrassed to be seen with you but I am very pleased with your performance."
"new instagram notification - Girl Who Actually Secretly Hates You Commented 'omg literally why are u so perfect'' On Your Photo!"
"Old experiment #You are now breathing and blinking manually. #also you are aware of your tongue now. Let me know if this worked"
"A starfish has five arms. An anablep has four eyes. An octopus has three hearts. And you've got two faces."
"[horror movie in 2169] The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE [entire audience faints]"
"My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: ""can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"""
"Why did the kid dump a bucket of water off the school roof? He wanted to make a big splash in front of his class."
"A student brought me 20 huge homemade chocolate chip cookies today. Good thing I have self-control--I saved one for my kids. To split."