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Joke of the Day

"""SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?"" -- ""SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!"" -- ""SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?"" -- Wife: ""She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."""

"I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit."

"Why did the period and and semicolon break up? Because they had nothing in comma"

"My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating... Apparently jealous was not the right answer."

"When i die i want to go peacefully like my friend in his sleep. Not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car."

"For all of you claiming you have over 100 IQ. How can you possibly score over 100%? I am very pleased with my score of 79."

"[interview for doctor's office receptionist] ""Can you schedule appointments and be friendly"" Yes. ""Sorry we're looking for the opposite"""

"Saddest Joke if... Last person on Earth... Knock Knock.."

"A cop pulled over a spanish photon... The cop asked, ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" The photon said, ""c."""

"A cannibal in the jungle passed his brother. Think about that."