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Joke of the Day

"What did the sign on the whorehouse say? Beat it, we're closed."

"If you see a white guy in earbuds convulsing angrily with T. Rex arms, don't freak out. I'm just jamming out to Eminem."

"You know what they say about a man with cold hands...... No gloves."

"Why does God like Swiss cheese? It's holey! ^^^^^get it?"

"My illiterecy got me fired from the box moving company. I was so confused, I didn't know which way was up."

"Got a long rambling phone call in spanish.. I don't know who they were, or what they were saying, but im pretty sure they're bringing me tostadas in one hour."

"I failed the communism test. No Marx."

"I dreamt about a horse last night. It turned out to be a night mare."

"Pretty sure my dog is even ashamed of me right now, and I've seen him do some questionable shit. Don't ask."

"A guy walks in on his daughter masturbating with a pickle ""Sick!"" he says. ""I was going to eat that. Now it's going to taste like pickle."""