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Joke of the Day
"Why did the guy wear sweatpants to his prom? Strictly Ballroom."
Next Joke
"""Here's what I would do..."" - me, giving bad advice"
"If Jack helped you off the horse... ... would you help Jack off the horse? I tried."
"I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem."
"How do you know when your dog is a bad hot dog? When it's pure bread."
"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"
"For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I'm terrified to Web MD this. I'm too young to have kittens."
"What do you call a fish out of water? Dry! As told by my 3 year old son."
"I'm not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table."
"What do you call a cross between Communism and Theocracy? Communionism"