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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the butcher's assistant who ditched work to try out for the football team? He didn't make the cut."

"What do you call a lemon that has sex with its family? In*zest*uous"

"What do we want? ROCK HARD ABS! When do we want them? THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!"

"MY ROOMBA IS SOMEHOW LOOSE OUTDOORS AND I'M TERRIFIED OF THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE ECOSYSTEM AS IT HAS NO NATURAL PREDATORS."

"They say that penis size is directly related to shoe size. Which makes the fear of being raped by a clown that much scarier."

"This actually happened My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me ""Zaent, can you pick a lock?"", I replied ""Give me two and I'll pick one."""

"Yeah I can take a hint. I'm not going to though."

"On a stakeout. Getting bored. Wish these perps would do something. Oh crap. Got my dong stuck in my cd player."

"By reading this tweet, you have earned a masters in communication from Stephen Colbert ""University."" Standard text messaging rates apply."

"We were at a local restaurant waiting for a server, she finally came over and says ""sorry for the wait"".... I say you look perfectly skinny to me!"