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Joke of the Day
"100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out."
Next Joke
"[wife replies to text that I found a genie] dont do a thing im almost home [she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]"
"Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed"
"Me: *unfreezes cro-magnon woman I uncover on an arctic expedition* Cro-magnon woman: ""I have a boyfriend."""
"What did Sonic say during Ramadan? ""Gotta go fast!"""
"Honey you're like my GPS... I'd be lost without you."
"College guy: How do you like it? Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt ~Get outta the gutter pervs"
"""How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?"" ""384 my liege"" ""Ok, round them up"" ""400 my liege"""
"Show him you care by leaving the message ""I see you"" on his bathroom mirror."
"Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like ""Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"""