111017

Joke of the Day

"""How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?"" ""384 my liege"" ""Ok, round them up"" ""400 my liege"""

"I came across the most beautiful girl i've ever seen today at the supermarket.. She wasn't the least bit happy, even after I offered to clean it all up and buy her a new top.."

"Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. "

"Roll call comes for a Mexican bus trip They always seem to be late from missing juan"

"I hate it when I open Twitter and miss a week of work."

"I don't like cocaine I only like the smell."

"That heroic moment where one of your chips break off in the dip and you send another one into save it."

"Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Ohno! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!"

"Why did the Baker rob the Banker? Cause he knead that dough. ........ Sorry I'm drunk"

"If by ""cat-person"" you mean do I sleep a lot and will I lose my temper with you without provocation, then yes I'm a cat-person."