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Joke of the Day

"*horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into a bar* *horse walks into an optometrist* Horse: Holy shit please help me"

"How do you get everyone to click on your post? [NSFW] Put [NSFW] in the title."

"A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show."

"LPT: Masturbate before texting your Ex. It'll make you cum to your senses."

"Boy, Peter Parker is lucky he was bitten by a spider and not one of those fainting goats."

"Did you hear the news about the failed plan to send ISIS a shipment of deactivated bomb vests? People are surprised it's blowing up."

"What's red and smells like green paint? Red paint"

"I once had a lot of arguments and rants with my bank manager. But then I decided to consolidate all my rants into one simple monthly outburst."

"My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast."

"Every time my husband hides my pants, I have sex with him. Don't tell him I have more than one pair."