155021

Joke of the Day

"This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck."

"How I met your mother was....... How I met your mother was.....nothing but a 9 year (season) long TED Talk"

"BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright"

"Knock knock Who's there? Anna Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree! :D"

"At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen."

"What fabric is Mario's overalls? Denim denim denim."

"My boyfriend is watching Glee voluntarily and tapping his foot and smiling. That makes me a lesbian now, right?"

"PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu"

"Last year I ate out alone on Valentine's Day. To avoid embarrassment, I yacked the whole time with a lovely couple the next table over."

"Bernie demands change... whereas Hillary prefers cards or cheques."