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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you gamble in Africa? Too many cheetahs.."

"Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin? Because he had my grains"

"Donald Trump could very well be our next President. Laugh, because it's a joke, guys. Guys? Guys! ...It's not funny anymore..."

"Sex on the beach means sand everywhere. You just do not want extreme exfoliation in some areas."

"*whispering to my newborn son* weed is tight. im siked for u to try it son. im so excited for you. i love you"

"[being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card"

"My sister asked me if I was gay I couldn't give her a straight answer."

"We're pregnant? Why stop there couples? Why not we're constipated? Or we're on our period? Or we're disgustingly phony in public together?"

"Thought I saw a brownie walk by but it was just my dog. Other than that, diet is going well."

"So, a snake walks into a bar.... And the bartender asks in surprise ""how'd you do that?!"""