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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a gay dinosaur ? Mega-saur-ass"

"I don't feel strongly enough about anything to take the time to join a protest. Unless, maybe, there was some big threat against pizza."

"Who's the most popular guy on a nude beach? The one who shows up with a dozen donuts and two cups of coffee."

"Life's too short for 1-ply friends. You need people who can handle your shit."

"My daughter has green eyes, she got that from me, my wife on the other hand has black eyes.. She also got those from me."

"I do not delete bad tweets that get no stars... I let them sit there and think about what they've done..."

"Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say ""You silly goose."""

"Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might."

"Why didn't the butterfly go to the dance? Because it was a moth ball."

"I had a fight once. ""You should see the other guy!"" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple."