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Joke of the Day

"[Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid."

"""How much for this melted ghost?"" Sir that's a bed sheet ""You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL"" This is a Macys"

"I met a woman with one leg today. Her name was Eileen."

"what idiot named them diet pills instead of girth control"

"Want to hear a clean joke? Henry took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man."

"Have you seen Kindergaten cop? It was such a good movie, they could easily make one or tumor."

"I feel a bit overdressed here at WalMart because my pajamas match."

"At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter"

"If people say that love finds you... Then I must be Waldo."

"So I went to an orgy at a campsite last night.... It was fucking intense."