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Joke of the Day

"Based on statistics The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style... The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead."

"This is your pilot speaking. We'll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane"

"How do you lose a Football championship penalty shootout? You Messi-up"

"It costs more to make a penny than a penny is actually worth. I don't get, why do we make the penny? It doesn't make any cents. Thanks, I'm here all night."

"The music of life needs more cowbell."

"""I JUST WANT TO PUT A BABY IN YOU!"" -me, trying to put a crib together"

"The only ghosts I'm afraid of are my google searches coming back to haunt me."

"One of my friends went up to my Portuguese dad.... and asked ""You're Portuguese, right?"" He said ""No, I'm Portugoose. There's is only one of me"""

"This guy must really want to impress me with his endurance skills. Because when I asked if he wanted a ride, he said ""No thanks I'll walk"""

"What were Jesus's last words to his disciples as he was nailed to the cross? Nobody touch my fucking Easter eggs, I'll be back on Sunday."