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Joke of the Day

"you can't believe it's not butter? buddy, almost everything is not butter"

"I have a step-stool because I never knew my real stool ^"

"Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing ""you Two look fantastic!!"" on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it."

"Boyfriend asked me to put a few planks of wood together... Nailed it!"

"Accounting joke: What do you call inventory that doesn't exist? Finnish Goods"

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only half the things that come out of her vagina are retarded"

"There once was a man from Gent. Had a dick so long it was bent. To save himself trouble He folded it double. And instead of cumming he went."

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"What's the difference between a Philosophy major and a cashier at KFC? A job application."

"Two fish were in a tank... and one says ""How do you drive this thing?"""