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Joke of the Day

"How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint... ...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?"

"Single men everywhere strain to make one major change this new year... their bed sheets."

"Why does Stephen Hawking have a boring sex life? You can't 69 in binary."

"What is cold, grey, and ugly? Me after I take all the Nyquil and die. Also, Janet Reno."

"Voting this year will be like going to the dentist... No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good."

"What is the highest point in Israel? Mountain Dew."

"I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people."

"I say this to girls at the bar, gets tons of laughs everytime. ""So, what's your number?"""

"If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men?"

"Why did the kid steal the fan? He wanted to be cool."