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Joke of the Day

"Losing game pieces sucks... Especially when it's hide and seek... I'll never forget you, Brian.."

"*checks watch* *gets up off toilet* I don't have time for this shit"

"Google Docs went to Nepal over the summer, came back like ""I'm Google DRIVE now,"" but we still called it Docs for the rest of college."

"My girlfriend says I can't visualise things I can't imagine why."

"What is Santa's favorite band? Slayer."

"Maybe the Mayans were talking about hockey"

"I have the best prison name Mitochondria"

"A chronic masturbator walks into a bar ""Oh hi Henry"", said the bartender, ""I've already poured your pint; I saw you coming from a mile away."""

"My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard."

"I hate it when a guy pulls out a chair in front of me. I'm never sure if he's a gentleman or a chair thief."