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Joke of the Day

"My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard."

"why didnt natalie wood take a shower on the boat? she wanted to wash up on shore..."

"What does snoop dogg use to wash his clothes? BLEYOTCH!"

"My wife recently broke up with me because I'm a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back."

"I went to Applebee's for dinner last night Our food was so good that I asked the waitress to bring out the chef, so they brought out the microwave."

"So a man goes and tells his wife he's going to take the day off..."

"""I suppose you have to live somewhere."" - A more accurate motto for the state of Utah."

"They are finally letting women go to the ISS About damn time. Some one has to make the men sandwiches up there."

"Apparently the same firm rents buildings to both ISIS and Neo-Nazis. You could say they're the lessor of two evils."

"No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers."