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Joke of the Day

"A dyslexic guy walks into a bra."

"Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA."

"What does Batman's mum shout when it's time for dinner? Nothing. She's dead."

"I wanted to propose to her. I wanted to propose her.I gave her a ring.What the heck,she won't pick up the phone."

"I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s)."

"What kind of line gets thicker and thinner at the same time? A line of marathon runners"

"Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*"

"What's the difference between my penis and a midget dressed as a mouse? Both are small and scare women away... :("

"I was walking downtown, and I passed this homeless man who started shaking his cup of change at me and I was like, okay, dick, I get it, you have more money than me, don't rub it in."

"What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy? ""The sky's the limit for you""."